Today, another Hui female colleague has resigned and left us. Why? She was forced by her family again to get married. She could not bear with it anymore, thus agreed to get married.
Originally, she was a girl yearn for freedom. From the previous contacts, she always told me that she does not want to marry so soon, not before 23 years old so that she will have a few more years of freedom. However, she has yet reached 18 years old; her family already hurries her to go home. Every time she got home, her family would say this in front of her: “Somebody’s daughter is already a mother even at this young age; certain girls have married recently.” If not, her family would call some guys to go to her house for matchmaking. There were a few times she heard that someone would go over for matchmaking again, she sneaked out from her house early in the morning when her parents did not notice. This time, her family forced her into matchmaking again. She was very angry and told her parents: “You both figure it out! If you are satisfied with this guy, then it is fine with me.” She did not even see the boy’s face, and came back to work immediately. However, not long after this, her parents called and told her that they have agreed to it and want her to resign and go home to marry the guy immediately.
I meet her today; her face is covered with sorrow. A 17, 18 years old girl should be youthful and lively, but you cannot find these on her face. She has gone through a lot of changes in such a short time. When I was talking to her, I tried to encourage her to consider carefully. How can we trifle with marriage? She has to spend her whole life with the boy. Therefore, I advised her to handle her own marriage carefully; cannot do as one pleases. She will be the one who suffer loss in the future. However, she said: “My parents like him, what can I do? I would rather just marry someone than being forced by them every day. Marry to anyone is the same for me; if things don’t work, I will live my life like a zombie, live from day to day. If things get worse, I will divorce him.”
My heart was very painful when I heard her said this. How can it be like this? Thus, I gave her some suggestions: try to build a contact with the guy if there is an opportunity in order to know what kind of person he is. Then only decide whether or not to marry him. If you have decided to marry him, then you will have to live your life well with him. It is definitely not easy for two persons to live their lives together. There will be conflicts, unpleasant things happening between two persons even though they know each other well. When these take place, you have to be tolerant and understanding.
Subsequently, she showed me a short message from another colleague. She is a divorced Muslim woman (24 years old with a 6 years old daughter). The content of the message is as follows:
“If you have promised, then should not have other thoughts. Before I got married, I too thought that it did not matter who I married to, for I just wanted to cope with my parents. After marriage, I tolerated for two years and I ran away. I was very naïve during that time; I did not know the meaning of marriage, but now I know. Marriage means everything to a woman, it means a lifetime of happiness, and it means peace and harmony between two families. All these depend on both of your effort, patience, humility, mutual respect and mutual love. If you have chosen him, then you should love what he loves. If something goes wrong in the future, you can text me. I will always be your faithful listener even though we are far apart. Bless you always.”
The marriages of these Muslim women are full of frustration. I think it is not only my colleague’s marriage, but most of the Muslim girls’ marriages are like this. This type of marital condition, when can it be changed? I did encourage them to break through religion and traditions that shackle and control their spiritual and physical life, but they do not have the courage. I can understand this. Tradition is like a mountain placed in front of them; how can they move this mountain?
I can only pray sincerely to Allah SWT to help my colleague, to help these poor Muslim girls.